Living as a parent requires love and forgiveness. Loving your child the way he is and forgiving him for ….? Ok so what do we need to forgive them for? Good question, so let me think of the answer. Is it the sleepless nights when pregnant – hmm, well that’s hormonal disturbance not the child’s mistake anyway. Ok, so is it the pain during/after delivery? Well, again that’s not his mistake. In fact, if you think a bit, the pain you had in relation to the miracle of creation of one soul from your own is forgettable. Ok, so is it the sleepless nights, the effort for feeding, cleaning, soothing a helpless creature that knows no one but YOU and feels safe only in your hug between your arms near your heart that gave him life?
I need an answer but still can’t find one, what do you need to forgive your children for? Until now, with all the pain and suffering we go through as parents, it can be cured by our unconditional love for those little bundles of joy. I just remembered the cartoons where birds would fly over your house carrying your baby in their white blankets in their beaks. Well, I did mention that I saw it in cartoons and anything is possible in cartoons, remember Jerry would kill Tom and then Tom would miraculously come back and chase after him Anyway, as I watched them, I just felt happy and usually without knowing it I would smile as I watched. The same feelings when I first laid my eyes on my babies, little angles wrapped up in white blankets.
I understand that sometimes we are tired and frustrated as parents.
Sometimes we just want a magic wand to help us take care of them and clear after their mess.
We are not super beings; we are just humans (unless you have a couple of other humans helping around with the cleaning, clearing, feeding, studying, playing, nursing, driving, shopping, etc.). We need to rest, sleep, bath, eat, drink, have some fun time, and take care of ourselves too! It is not an easy job to live as a parent even though it’s 24/7 for life, but it it does not have to be hard either if you got the right kind of training for it.
You see, like any other job that you work hard to get to and keep, you need to understand the skills required. Usually parents keep on developing these skills on the job, some become very skilled quickly, others take longer (may be become skilled with their grand children), and many just keep on juggling and struggling and feeling like a failure.
The way I see it is that the basic ingredient for the success or failure as a parent is mutual love and forgiveness; one that goes both ways and that is communicated effectively.
I don’t know why suddenly I remembered my very own parents and how sometimes I didn’t understand why they snapped suddenly and why I was hard headed sometimes. I guess I understand now, how tired they felt and how worried they were to act in ways that I perceived inaccurately. I just love them so much and forgive them for their weaknesses. I hope they love and forgive me too!
Luckily, I got the opportunity to learn the skills and practice them with my very own children now – thank God, otherwise… well, let’s not think otherwise.
But let me share this with you…
I have really opened up my eyes into things that I thought I had got naturally from becoming a mother.
I thought I listened, well …. Let’s just say I discovered the contrary (despite people telling me all my life that I’m a good listener but listening is one thing and really really listening is another especially to kids).
I thought I made myself clear, well … that too I discovered the contrary. In fact, I discovered I was making things more confusing!
Anyway, I’m happy that I went through the work required to perform my job as a parent, it has helped me a lot in connecting with my children on many levels and has also helped me understand myself and my capacity better. I don’t feel guilty when I, sometimes, feel unaccepting of my children’s behavior. I just try to be more patient, maybe take some time to understand my feelings and cope with it all as well as listen to them (really listen) and help them understand their own feelings and cope with it too. Above all, I am blessed to have them in my life and I love them from all my heart and I forgive them even though I hope we can – most of the time – try to work out our problems together peacefully.